Running & Being: The Total Experience

On a whim I decided to run a 15k, but have not put in the base miles or workouts to merit such an idea. I should preface I still call myself an avid runner and average four days per week of running, but they are not training runs or significant distances. With only three and half weeks to race day I decided to try anyway. I needed a reading companion during this quick training period. Something to remind me of this love affair, ignite the fire within and get me pounding the pavement, traversing the trails further and longer each run.

George Sheehan's son describes his father's work Running & Being as the voice of a movement. In 1978 Sheehan's book was published and to my surprise his observations, foreshadowing ideas and devotion to the sport of running resonates today. He also offers something for the non-runner: running is the object of his affection/affliction but the prose deepens and applies to life and living out your best self. His son explains, "At 45, 2 years after the birth of his last child, he started running again. He began with a simple goal: to run a 5-minute mile. A year later, he completed the first of what would be 21 consecutive Bostons and more than 60 marathons overall. Aging is a myth, he argued, and showed it by posting his personal best 3:01 in his 61st year. And that sub-5 minute mile? He became the first 50-year-old to do it, running 4:47 in 1969."

I am near completion of Sheehan's work and my highlight section is lengthy. It seems every other page I am having a big moment, a great big Oprah moment. Two things amaze me most, first that I am just now discovering this read and second that a male physician-philosopher-runner in the late 1970's can relate to me without sounding incredibly sexist, narcissistic or condescending. Rather I have felt connected, free and hopeful throughout the reading process. Here are a few of the most notable passages/quotes I feel compelled to share.

**Man is meant to be a success. Each of us is unique and endowed with potentials unlike those of others. Success comes in finding your authentic self, the person you truly are, and becoming that person, tapping all of that untapped potential.**

**Given the choice, most of us would give up the reality of today for the memory of yesterday or the fantasy of tomorrow. We desire to live anywhere but in the present.

But for those active in mind and heart and body, the child and the poet, the saint and the athlete, the time is always now. They are eternally present. And present with intensity and participation and commitment. They have to be.**

**If you think that life has passed you by, or even worse, that you are living someone else's life, you still can prove the experts wrong. Tomorrow can be the first day of the rest of your life. All you have to do is to follow Thoreau. Inhabit your body with delight, with inexpressible satisfaction; both its weariness and its refreshments.**

Coupled with my regular yoga practice (which I believe has kept me injury-free and much stronger during long runs), Running & Being: The Total Experience is taking me to the starting line this weekend with a fresh perspective and every reason to believe I am not done yet. The affair continues, I love it way too much to stop now.

Yours in running,

Megan

I took my kids out to dinner and...

My husband was working and I had no energy or inspiration to make a lowly meal for the boys, so on a whim we headed to our favorite neighborhood malt shop. Not the healthiest choice but not fast food and they have table service which I find pleasant. We clamber in the car and I ask Max what manners we practice at a restaurant. He recites, "Use inside voices, say please and thank you to the server and remember Will we absolutely don't throw food!" Ok, off to a good start. Turns out they both ordered the same meal, except Max wanted some cucumbers because he pointed out the grilled cheese and fries did not include a vegetable. He asked the waitress if she could bring him some cucumbers and she delightfully found a few. Will ate ice cubes quietly and Max munched cucumbers diligently. Both certainly practiced manners even though the little guy's please and thank you were simply flirtatious grins here and there, no one seemed bothered.

During my run today, I recalled these moments and recognized that I don't do everything right and I fail miserably at being a mom more often than I care to admit, but I must be doing something pretty ok. Maybe I don't color coordinate socks every day, maybe I don't speak in a low volume while instructing the boys to stop arguing over the same toy over and over, maybe they eat toaster waffles (this makes me cringe but we do it often anyway), and maybe I forget to finish the laundry I started but by God my kids know how to behave in a pretty civilized eating establishment. And one is starting to understand what a balanced meal looks like, he didn't even eat all his fries!

My husband informs me I am brave to take them places by myself, they are still very young and both can be a bit zany. But if we never give them chores or small tasks (so much easier to do it ourselves), if we never step out the door and show them this world how are they going to navigate? Most likely they will find a way but giving them a nudge, inspiring them as you see fit is a rare and surprising bonus of parenting. We get to teach them, we get to help them grow, we get to encourage a path toward becoming a good citizen, a loving person. If my boys care about what others might be feeling, if they understand, express and practice empathy then my heart is full. And if they say please and thank you without prompting my cup is overflowing. Maybe next time one is going to cry, odds are something like thrown ice or spilled lemonade will occur. But this won't stop me from trying and heading down the road for another adventure. And Max summed up our outing perfectly, "Mommy that was the best meal ever, how many more sleeps until we go to another restaurant?".

Calm Down Mom--My Messy Beautiful

All my life I have tried to do everything fast. Even this moment, as I type, I am secretly hoping this writing exercise goes fast. I only have a few more minutes of silence before the house wakes up. Well the rest of the house—the two inhabitants who rule my day, take over my entire being. My boys are, as usual, the inspiration for this post. Going at life fast can be rewarding. Sometimes you cross the finish line first or ahead of some people and that feels good if you are the competitive sort (raising my hand). But sometimes fast gets you nowhere, especially when you have kids. Sigh. She is writing another post on being mom. Yes and no, mostly yes, but if you have interest in slowing things down, feeling a little calmer in life by all means read on. Then again I am working on this myself so I stand corrected. If you have interest in journeying with me and working together on how to slow things down and feel a little calmer then read on.

I am a fast eater. Even as a kid, before the diet experts told us to chew our food very slowly, I ate fast. Even with my competitive nature, when challenged to see who could eat the slowest I never had the patience or self-restraint to win. That was always Jill. She always won the slowest eating contest. Not surprising she is my calmest friend in this life. So how can I get like that? How can I savor?

I am very driven and self-motivated. These are pretty great qualities but they can wear you out. And they are not so fit for parenthood at times. You cannot quickly teach your children drive and determination, instead you model this over time and hope a bit of it sticks. I learned long ago you cannot take short cuts (literally crossing the cornfield instead of running the entire 5 miles will not help you medal at the state cross-country meet). And I am not a short cut, quick fix kind of girl. This undermines my innate desire to do everything fast. Thus my pickle. I know and practice taking the long way, following the directions but my patience runs very thin because I still want it all to happen and be checked off my list right away.  Still with me? So how can we parent with presence and not full court pressure?

There are certainly no shortcuts in parenting. I have tried. Even recently started to read a book on 10 ways to be a calmer mom (or something like that) and it is as ridiculous as the title insinuates. Instead of finishing the steps (I maybe made it to #4 and thought there must be a better way) I decided to reflect on a few routine things throughout the day. The days I spend with two young kids, the groundhog days that go on and on and on. They are little guys yet—still pretty little and I need to remember this.

What I hear myself saying daily:
Let’s get going, we are going to be late. Are you finished? Well then finish up. Do you have your boots on yet? Then please put them on. Get in the car before you freeze. Are you done signing your name? Then finish up, hurry up. We don’t have time. Sorry we don’t have time for that, no not right now. We have to get going, we need to go now.

What my kids hear me saying daily:
Go to sleep faster. Eat faster. Put on your coat faster. Get in the car faster. Finish your puzzle faster. Put toys away faster. Brush your teeth faster.  Finish on the potty faster. Put on the second sock faster. Help your brother faster. Get through that book faster. Hurry up. Hurry up. Hurry up. I love you (in hurried voice).

What I need to say and what they need to hear daily:
We have time, let’s just read that book. If I help you with one sock, let’s see how fast you can put on the second sock. Can I help you with those boots or are you doing alright? Let me know when you are finished. Should we just sing a song or tell stories? Two or three books tonight?  I love you, I love all of you and you are so very special sweetheart.

Go on friends, calm down. Be present, be mindful.  But don’t let trying to be present and mindful stress you out. That’s what I tend to do. I think how can I be present and mindful as quickly as possible? There is no time table, my kids cannot even tell time and maybe we will hold off on that lesson plan for a bit. I am really in no hurry.

   

Here they are having fun today because I let them get out the play dough and just decided not to worry about the mess. We didn't even clean it up right away! One step at a time.