This is the face I want to remember years from now when I look back at the era my career took a pause and life got rather crazy but oh so much fun. Max is grinning at me from the back seat as we take off for yoga and he gets to play with friends and eat bagels with Mindy and Barbie in the kids room. We do this every Tuesday and Thursday, sometimes even more when I need to run by myself, swim because my pregnant belly is swelling or I just need to shower and have a coffee at my leisure. Sounds like a pretty good life I know but sprinkle in the many hours I take care of Max, and soon another little guy, all by my lonesome and I believe I deserve it. This took me awhile to admit and finally allow myself an hour or so a few days a week to decompress. I work from home for the Red Cross but one might call it dabbling in a bit of project stuff from time to time -- so what work was I really doing? This face you see--this glowing, priceless face tells the real story.Yesterday after Max's nap we went on a hike with our lovely dog, Bella. All of us equally excited at the prospect of trekking out our backyard and entering a tranquil wilderness retreat just a short walk away. We were not disappointed. A turtle was spotted and two butterflies followed Bella's tail as we crossed a magical bridge the troll probably built according to Max. Countless frogs and several shuffling feet became our soundtrack and no one wanted the adventure to end. So we promised the next day to venture out again, to take on new discoveries, and experience the thrill of first time observations.
Tomorrow brought rain by the buckets. And our adventuresome trio became a duo heading to the bookstore and finding a surprise appearance by a very large mouse eating a very large cookie. We hadn't read the book series "Give a Mouse a Cookie..." but our curiosity could not be stopped. Between stories and a high five session with the said large mouse, Max spent nearly an hour driving trains around a nice little track the store offers in the kids corner. He adores making circles, driving anything around and around, again and again. Looks exhausting to me but nothing pleases him more. Watching him interact so politely with the other rascals never ceases to bring joy to my heart and a little pride that he says excuse me and seems to look out for the little ones already, how do they get this extinct? Amazes me what he knows and learns that Tim and I didn't teach. He is an observer and I am thankful most of this skill has translated into positive habits--for today anyway. And so we head out sloshing through the rain to have an impromptu lunch together. I watch as two ladies steal glimpses and often stare at Max as he eats an apple in Panera. It doesn't bother me in the least, if you have seen this kid eat an entire apple down to the core you would stare too. Not only impressive but the chomping and slurping is somehow so whimsical, you find yourself looking for an apple too.
So you see my work is different these days, I still have wishful moments that I get transported back to the water cooler conversations, the deadlines and well the mental time to myself. No situation is perfect and we women especially give ourselves a tough time. No matter how we spend our days as mothers, by choice or default, it still feels like we left something out and we cannot possibly do everything right. And even our kids come to know, it just cannot all be right. We have to throw in a little rain and jump in that puddle anyway. And to look at that face-- such an inquiring mind. I get the pleasure of knowing all his nuances from day to day. Some days make me a little zany but I don't want to remember this any other way.
