Running & Being: The Total Experience

On a whim I decided to run a 15k, but have not put in the base miles or workouts to merit such an idea. I should preface I still call myself an avid runner and average four days per week of running, but they are not training runs or significant distances. With only three and half weeks to race day I decided to try anyway. I needed a reading companion during this quick training period. Something to remind me of this love affair, ignite the fire within and get me pounding the pavement, traversing the trails further and longer each run.

George Sheehan's son describes his father's work Running & Being as the voice of a movement. In 1978 Sheehan's book was published and to my surprise his observations, foreshadowing ideas and devotion to the sport of running resonates today. He also offers something for the non-runner: running is the object of his affection/affliction but the prose deepens and applies to life and living out your best self. His son explains, "At 45, 2 years after the birth of his last child, he started running again. He began with a simple goal: to run a 5-minute mile. A year later, he completed the first of what would be 21 consecutive Bostons and more than 60 marathons overall. Aging is a myth, he argued, and showed it by posting his personal best 3:01 in his 61st year. And that sub-5 minute mile? He became the first 50-year-old to do it, running 4:47 in 1969."

I am near completion of Sheehan's work and my highlight section is lengthy. It seems every other page I am having a big moment, a great big Oprah moment. Two things amaze me most, first that I am just now discovering this read and second that a male physician-philosopher-runner in the late 1970's can relate to me without sounding incredibly sexist, narcissistic or condescending. Rather I have felt connected, free and hopeful throughout the reading process. Here are a few of the most notable passages/quotes I feel compelled to share.

**Man is meant to be a success. Each of us is unique and endowed with potentials unlike those of others. Success comes in finding your authentic self, the person you truly are, and becoming that person, tapping all of that untapped potential.**

**Given the choice, most of us would give up the reality of today for the memory of yesterday or the fantasy of tomorrow. We desire to live anywhere but in the present.

But for those active in mind and heart and body, the child and the poet, the saint and the athlete, the time is always now. They are eternally present. And present with intensity and participation and commitment. They have to be.**

**If you think that life has passed you by, or even worse, that you are living someone else's life, you still can prove the experts wrong. Tomorrow can be the first day of the rest of your life. All you have to do is to follow Thoreau. Inhabit your body with delight, with inexpressible satisfaction; both its weariness and its refreshments.**

Coupled with my regular yoga practice (which I believe has kept me injury-free and much stronger during long runs), Running & Being: The Total Experience is taking me to the starting line this weekend with a fresh perspective and every reason to believe I am not done yet. The affair continues, I love it way too much to stop now.

Yours in running,

Megan

I took my kids out to dinner and...

My husband was working and I had no energy or inspiration to make a lowly meal for the boys, so on a whim we headed to our favorite neighborhood malt shop. Not the healthiest choice but not fast food and they have table service which I find pleasant. We clamber in the car and I ask Max what manners we practice at a restaurant. He recites, "Use inside voices, say please and thank you to the server and remember Will we absolutely don't throw food!" Ok, off to a good start. Turns out they both ordered the same meal, except Max wanted some cucumbers because he pointed out the grilled cheese and fries did not include a vegetable. He asked the waitress if she could bring him some cucumbers and she delightfully found a few. Will ate ice cubes quietly and Max munched cucumbers diligently. Both certainly practiced manners even though the little guy's please and thank you were simply flirtatious grins here and there, no one seemed bothered.

During my run today, I recalled these moments and recognized that I don't do everything right and I fail miserably at being a mom more often than I care to admit, but I must be doing something pretty ok. Maybe I don't color coordinate socks every day, maybe I don't speak in a low volume while instructing the boys to stop arguing over the same toy over and over, maybe they eat toaster waffles (this makes me cringe but we do it often anyway), and maybe I forget to finish the laundry I started but by God my kids know how to behave in a pretty civilized eating establishment. And one is starting to understand what a balanced meal looks like, he didn't even eat all his fries!

My husband informs me I am brave to take them places by myself, they are still very young and both can be a bit zany. But if we never give them chores or small tasks (so much easier to do it ourselves), if we never step out the door and show them this world how are they going to navigate? Most likely they will find a way but giving them a nudge, inspiring them as you see fit is a rare and surprising bonus of parenting. We get to teach them, we get to help them grow, we get to encourage a path toward becoming a good citizen, a loving person. If my boys care about what others might be feeling, if they understand, express and practice empathy then my heart is full. And if they say please and thank you without prompting my cup is overflowing. Maybe next time one is going to cry, odds are something like thrown ice or spilled lemonade will occur. But this won't stop me from trying and heading down the road for another adventure. And Max summed up our outing perfectly, "Mommy that was the best meal ever, how many more sleeps until we go to another restaurant?".

Calm Down Mom--My Messy Beautiful

All my life I have tried to do everything fast. Even this moment, as I type, I am secretly hoping this writing exercise goes fast. I only have a few more minutes of silence before the house wakes up. Well the rest of the house—the two inhabitants who rule my day, take over my entire being. My boys are, as usual, the inspiration for this post. Going at life fast can be rewarding. Sometimes you cross the finish line first or ahead of some people and that feels good if you are the competitive sort (raising my hand). But sometimes fast gets you nowhere, especially when you have kids. Sigh. She is writing another post on being mom. Yes and no, mostly yes, but if you have interest in slowing things down, feeling a little calmer in life by all means read on. Then again I am working on this myself so I stand corrected. If you have interest in journeying with me and working together on how to slow things down and feel a little calmer then read on.

I am a fast eater. Even as a kid, before the diet experts told us to chew our food very slowly, I ate fast. Even with my competitive nature, when challenged to see who could eat the slowest I never had the patience or self-restraint to win. That was always Jill. She always won the slowest eating contest. Not surprising she is my calmest friend in this life. So how can I get like that? How can I savor?

I am very driven and self-motivated. These are pretty great qualities but they can wear you out. And they are not so fit for parenthood at times. You cannot quickly teach your children drive and determination, instead you model this over time and hope a bit of it sticks. I learned long ago you cannot take short cuts (literally crossing the cornfield instead of running the entire 5 miles will not help you medal at the state cross-country meet). And I am not a short cut, quick fix kind of girl. This undermines my innate desire to do everything fast. Thus my pickle. I know and practice taking the long way, following the directions but my patience runs very thin because I still want it all to happen and be checked off my list right away.  Still with me? So how can we parent with presence and not full court pressure?

There are certainly no shortcuts in parenting. I have tried. Even recently started to read a book on 10 ways to be a calmer mom (or something like that) and it is as ridiculous as the title insinuates. Instead of finishing the steps (I maybe made it to #4 and thought there must be a better way) I decided to reflect on a few routine things throughout the day. The days I spend with two young kids, the groundhog days that go on and on and on. They are little guys yet—still pretty little and I need to remember this.

What I hear myself saying daily:
Let’s get going, we are going to be late. Are you finished? Well then finish up. Do you have your boots on yet? Then please put them on. Get in the car before you freeze. Are you done signing your name? Then finish up, hurry up. We don’t have time. Sorry we don’t have time for that, no not right now. We have to get going, we need to go now.

What my kids hear me saying daily:
Go to sleep faster. Eat faster. Put on your coat faster. Get in the car faster. Finish your puzzle faster. Put toys away faster. Brush your teeth faster.  Finish on the potty faster. Put on the second sock faster. Help your brother faster. Get through that book faster. Hurry up. Hurry up. Hurry up. I love you (in hurried voice).

What I need to say and what they need to hear daily:
We have time, let’s just read that book. If I help you with one sock, let’s see how fast you can put on the second sock. Can I help you with those boots or are you doing alright? Let me know when you are finished. Should we just sing a song or tell stories? Two or three books tonight?  I love you, I love all of you and you are so very special sweetheart.

Go on friends, calm down. Be present, be mindful.  But don’t let trying to be present and mindful stress you out. That’s what I tend to do. I think how can I be present and mindful as quickly as possible? There is no time table, my kids cannot even tell time and maybe we will hold off on that lesson plan for a bit. I am really in no hurry.

   

Here they are having fun today because I let them get out the play dough and just decided not to worry about the mess. We didn't even clean it up right away! One step at a time.

Advent Season?

Insomnia has struck me so here I go again, thinking I have something to share. The holiday season is upon us and I seem a little confused and misguided. Part of me embraces this season with full heart and focuses on Advent, the real reason we have anything to celebrate. Part of me wants to play the part, bust out my glittery ensemble and see how many presents I can buy. The second admittance is likely my attempt to maintain a tradition or make up for those traditions lost. If I put on earrings, actually take a shower in the morning and attend (or try my best to get invited) to as many grown-up gatherings and Santa saturated activities then I shall have all the things I want, my check-list complete. We all know this is baloney.

Don't misunderstand me, I love a good party. And I enjoy watching my kids light up at the thought or sight of St. Nick and all the wonderment and innocent anticipation we enjoy this time of year. It gives everyone a chance to reminisce, recall a favorite childhood memory. Over Thanksgiving my mom asked us about our favorite Christmas presents growing up. I immediately remembered four things. My raggedy Ann doll perched sweetly in a rocking chair under our tree, my Kirby teddy bear who attended Butler University and now gets tucked in with Max every night, my twin cabbage patch dolls from my sweet Aunt Rosie and the Christmas morning a telephone (cord and all) rang right in my room.

These are all tangible gifts, they all cost money. My favorite was not a handmade ornament (though I have piles to love) or mixed tape made just for me. But I was a kid, my job was to get excited about playing, opening gifts, dreaming of Santa.

I do believe my job as a parent is to keep the awe and even a little sizzle alive for my kids but also to help them understand there are those less fortunate and we probably should buy an extra pack of socks, pick up a few more groceries, drop off cookies for the shelter and overfill the toy collection bin. But everyone else is doing that and we get a pass because we are really busy, we have really little kids. Right? We can try and do some of that next year. Maybe next year we can remind ourselves and introduce our children to the meaning of Advent and the birthday we celebrate. But we actually are very busy and it is really difficult to prioritize when you are being stretched so thin. It comes down to breathing deeply and taking a little stock in what creates your own happy, and that might be very different from your neighbor and that's alright.

If you haven't sealed your designer Christmas cards, baked intricately decorated cookies for your kid's entire school, completed all your shopping while sipping peppermint mochas and simultaneously adopted a family yet---there is still time. No scratch that, don't do it all because that is unreasonable and stressful. But try and do something you haven't done before. Don't send Christmas cards if it just overwhelms you and it only feels like an obligation. Instead call your grandma, finish your shopping and maybe just pick up an extra pack of socks for those who don't have any.

Author Shauna Niequist and my two little guys inspired this blog post. In "Bittersweet" Niequist observes, "If what it takes for you this year to be present in this sacred, thin place, to feel the breath and presence of a Holy God, is to forgo the cookies and cards and the rushing and the lists, then we'll all be all right with cookies from the store and a few less gifts. It would be a great loss for you to miss this season, the soul of it, because you're too busy pushing and rushing. And it would be a great loss if the people in your life receive your perfectly wrapped gifts, but not your love or your full attention or your spirit."

What is your favorite gift or memory? How will your children answer in twenty years? I hope we all have a great story to tell. My hope this season for you and yours is that we also recall why.



Pockets to Chin Sam Taylor

My nephew Sam is embarking on his first cross-country season. Only a sixth grader and this guy has already run first on the team (which includes seventh and eighth graders), done a number of road races successfully and wore me out on a "fun" run. This post is personal and although the theme is running, I want him to know whatever sport, activity, interest or talent he pursues I am forever proud.

I have an incredible feeling that Sam is meant to be a shining star and really already proves this in so many magnificent ways. I suppose we all have a bias toward our loves ones, those kids that just light up our world, so hey I know many reading this can relate. Sam's heart, his smile, uncanny wit and humor, his empathy toward others and natural athleticism make him a likely show stopper. I want to tell him this not to cause undo pressure but because I think my day of that "something" passed. Of course I continue to strive to be better, to give back more, to be a supporting friend and family member. But my shining, personal moment was really a mere flicker. I believe my running potential was vast and I alone became the reason my running career fell rather flat. I had the talent and work ethic but a part of me felt it might be a little easier to fail, instead of meet those expectations. I believed only then the pressure to win could subside.

I simply want Sam to know, my own boys to know and others out there with a big dream to recognize it. If you have a chance to be great at something, anything (of lawful value) do it all the way. Running is still a part of my life, it changed my life only for the better but I never gave it my full attention, not like it or I deserved. Too many other things to do, too many people to meet. I did love the diversity of interests I had growing up but early and more often I didn't make running a big enough priority and this I regret immensely. Of course we all need balance in our lives but there are times, when you have a moment, a window of opportunity to place your bets on that thing that you naturally love. This will be the very thing that can change your life--I really believe this. It may be a knack for bringing people together, a skilled kick of the ball or swing of the bat, a fine strum of the guitar--whatever it may be--don't fight it or waste it.

I only have what ifs and what might have been to ponder regarding my running career and that makes me sad. If I help Sam understand anything in this world, leave him anything in this life--understand that second chances rarely come, and those with true grit and determination are the few who don't have to look back because they always gave it all.

For my postscript here are my favorite running tips or tricks, helpful hints (you get it) I gathered over the years. These have stuck and never failed me. I have likely forgot several so maybe I will keep adding to this (yeah more to come!).

From my junior high/high school coaches, Dick & Carolyn Tucker:

• Use the hills. Make them your strong suit because so many others will fall back and let the hills win. So use those arms (pockets to chin, I can demonstrate later) and let the hill be your advantage.
• Enjoy the rain. No one else is happy about running in the driving rain or having the mud slow them down so embrace it and take part in the nature of it all. My best times were in the pouring rain.
• Remember to eat a good breakfast before you race but stay away from anything too sweet.
• Stay out of the sun as you are waiting for the race to start, it will deplete your energy quickly.
• Cross-train, it does your body good to do something a little different now and then. Swim, dance around your living room, bike, play basketball (Sam has this one covered)...anything that can still give you some aerobic increase but teaches your muscles to react and relax.
• Replace your shoes, only so many miles a shoe can handle. When your shins start aching, probably time for a new pair of kicks.
• Run your own race, keep improving your time and yourself--that is all that really matters, not first or last.

From college coaches:

• Intervals, intervals, intervals
• Ice packs and more ice packs
• Cease your opportunities, they will not present again
• Be proud to wear your future alma mater uniform--the time literally flies.
• I never felt a team spirit more than during my time at Butler, running is a very individual sport but when you lift up others and cheer on your comrades--do it with vigor. My injuries really bogged me down, continuing to support my fellow bulldogs healed me--I only wish I would have done more. You will never regret doing more in the face of adversity.

From my dad

• Pace yourself like the horses, you essentially are like a race horse. Preserve a little energy, I never did this enough.
• Run backwards. Its amazing how a few strides backwards at the end of a training run or workout can do for your hamstrings. Keep those hamstrings happy.
• If you left everything out there on the trail, the course, the track---that is all anyone can ask.

From my brother (yes your dad Sam!)

• Josh didn't run for long but he has a coaching component to him and a solid knowledge of sport in general. He told me never to get behind someone who was slower than me, rather find someone your pace or slightly faster--seems so simple but much of the time we head out way too fast or forget to just tuck behind someone who is going to push us slightly and let them do the work for awhile.
• Count your strides when you are feeling the pain. It takes your mind off the typical ache running and especially racing can create. Oh and during a few races he added, "Megan you are too slow, start counting a little faster."

From me I think (if someone else told me these I apologize for lack of acknowledgement)

• Find your own ritual or routine, it always helped me to know there were a few constants on race day or pre-race day. I almost always had peanut butter toast before a race and never could listen to headphones or music--I needed to hear my thoughts, surroundings--do what works for you.
• When you don't feel like running (or whatever the task) especially those summer runs or holiday breaks (when no coach is right in front of you making you accountable)--that is exactly when you should remember your competitors. I always imagined they were putting in more miles, running faster, doing more and so I laced up and headed out the door.

I did not begin this post in letter format but feel it appropriate to end with proper conclusion.

And good luck buddy. I love you always.

Yours in running,

Aunt Megan

I am better having known you...

This post commemorates the last of us turning another year older in 2013. We celebrate Jill's birthday this week but the season and the calm before winter's wrath beckon me to remind you two of something you already knew...I love you and feel so lucky to have you to hold me.

Lightening bugs we caught

Creeks we crossed at sun down

Willows we climbed and made tea for the bears.

Sleepovers we counted, record phone calls we timed.

 

Thanks goodness I have never had to forge ahead, look back

or observe the present without you in my sight.

 

Some people help you dance, others make you laugh,

few hold you tight and never let go. 

Because I knew you...I have been changed for good.

This one's for my girls!

As Mother's Day approaches yes I am thinking of my life as a mom and the two beautiful boys blessing my days. And of course I celebrate my own audacious and inspiring mother and grandmother along with all the women in my life who have provided me with maternal care. This includes my loving and ever sweet mother-in-law, my wonderful aunties and two lovelies from the old bluff road who always made me feel one of their own. But two, very sweet little girls have been on my mind and are the subject of this blog post. Audrey and Jenna...this one's for you!

First up, the eldest of my nieces, the lovely Jenna Kaelynn. I want you to look back on this years from now and know how very much I adored you then, now and forever! My dream of having a girl to play dress-up with, take to the latest Disney princess flick and shower with outfit upon outfit (complete with all accessories) was not fulfilled. Instead a new dream emerged, I get to witness you dote over my boys with the patience and skill of someone twice your age. You are about to turn eight years old and I am so very proud of the young lady I already see blossoming before my eyes. Max and Will simply light up at the sight of you, whether taking their hand to avoid danger or tickling them to create giggles--I am in awe of your poise, beauty and silliness all at once. A tiny dancer you are now, and a young reader with such a knack for story telling. I promise we will get our nails done together (for always) and have pedicures abound with Aunt Erin. I promise to never forget how you are today and tell you what wise observations you made at such a tender age. May the moon goddess always watch over you and be dressed in a bike helmet and tutu to match! You are so strong, brave and brilliant Jenna.

And dear Audrey Belle, just a year behind Jenna, this sizzling summer you are turning seven. Right now you have two little brothers to keep in line and sweet girl you are shining like a star in the role of big sister. I also have the privilege of watching you gush over Will and Thomas, they are both very enamored babies at the sight of you. Your dad shared a soccer story with me that epitomizes your grace and inner beauty. A younger player, new to your team and the game, seemed a little unsure and you were the only one to take a bit of your time, give her some encouraging words and reassure her she had a friend. I love this about you Audrey, always looking out for others. Max followed you around like a duckling during our last visit, he needed and so appreciated your attentiveness. And you never seem bothered by him tagging along with you. A budding pianist and superstar in many other realms, I am forever proud to call you my niece. I promise we will go to the theater with (or without!) your mom and undoubtedly we shall be pen pals for life. May the moon goddess always watch over you and be dressed in soccer gear and a tiara to match! You are so strong, brave and brilliant Audrey.

I love you girls. There will be times when you want to play mommy and times you will show disgust at the thought, but I envision wherever you go, whatever you become...somehow you both will continue to care for others and provide empathy when no one else understands. If ever you feel lost or unsure, recall what made you happy at this age; it is likely the answer. When we look back to our roots, to the things that felt whimsical during childhood, those are the keys to finding the happiness we all seek in this world.

All my love, girl power and goddess strength to you both always.

Love,

Aunt Meg