Calm Down Mom--My Messy Beautiful

All my life I have tried to do everything fast. Even this moment, as I type, I am secretly hoping this writing exercise goes fast. I only have a few more minutes of silence before the house wakes up. Well the rest of the house—the two inhabitants who rule my day, take over my entire being. My boys are, as usual, the inspiration for this post. Going at life fast can be rewarding. Sometimes you cross the finish line first or ahead of some people and that feels good if you are the competitive sort (raising my hand). But sometimes fast gets you nowhere, especially when you have kids. Sigh. She is writing another post on being mom. Yes and no, mostly yes, but if you have interest in slowing things down, feeling a little calmer in life by all means read on. Then again I am working on this myself so I stand corrected. If you have interest in journeying with me and working together on how to slow things down and feel a little calmer then read on.

I am a fast eater. Even as a kid, before the diet experts told us to chew our food very slowly, I ate fast. Even with my competitive nature, when challenged to see who could eat the slowest I never had the patience or self-restraint to win. That was always Jill. She always won the slowest eating contest. Not surprising she is my calmest friend in this life. So how can I get like that? How can I savor?

I am very driven and self-motivated. These are pretty great qualities but they can wear you out. And they are not so fit for parenthood at times. You cannot quickly teach your children drive and determination, instead you model this over time and hope a bit of it sticks. I learned long ago you cannot take short cuts (literally crossing the cornfield instead of running the entire 5 miles will not help you medal at the state cross-country meet). And I am not a short cut, quick fix kind of girl. This undermines my innate desire to do everything fast. Thus my pickle. I know and practice taking the long way, following the directions but my patience runs very thin because I still want it all to happen and be checked off my list right away.  Still with me? So how can we parent with presence and not full court pressure?

There are certainly no shortcuts in parenting. I have tried. Even recently started to read a book on 10 ways to be a calmer mom (or something like that) and it is as ridiculous as the title insinuates. Instead of finishing the steps (I maybe made it to #4 and thought there must be a better way) I decided to reflect on a few routine things throughout the day. The days I spend with two young kids, the groundhog days that go on and on and on. They are little guys yet—still pretty little and I need to remember this.

What I hear myself saying daily:
Let’s get going, we are going to be late. Are you finished? Well then finish up. Do you have your boots on yet? Then please put them on. Get in the car before you freeze. Are you done signing your name? Then finish up, hurry up. We don’t have time. Sorry we don’t have time for that, no not right now. We have to get going, we need to go now.

What my kids hear me saying daily:
Go to sleep faster. Eat faster. Put on your coat faster. Get in the car faster. Finish your puzzle faster. Put toys away faster. Brush your teeth faster.  Finish on the potty faster. Put on the second sock faster. Help your brother faster. Get through that book faster. Hurry up. Hurry up. Hurry up. I love you (in hurried voice).

What I need to say and what they need to hear daily:
We have time, let’s just read that book. If I help you with one sock, let’s see how fast you can put on the second sock. Can I help you with those boots or are you doing alright? Let me know when you are finished. Should we just sing a song or tell stories? Two or three books tonight?  I love you, I love all of you and you are so very special sweetheart.

Go on friends, calm down. Be present, be mindful.  But don’t let trying to be present and mindful stress you out. That’s what I tend to do. I think how can I be present and mindful as quickly as possible? There is no time table, my kids cannot even tell time and maybe we will hold off on that lesson plan for a bit. I am really in no hurry.

   

Here they are having fun today because I let them get out the play dough and just decided not to worry about the mess. We didn't even clean it up right away! One step at a time.